My Story of Surviving Leukemia & Divorce, Leading Into why I believe in “Pushing Forward”

push_forward“I Believe in Pushing Forward”

I was asked to choose something I believe in. I believe in many ideas, but there is one idea in particular that I believe in whole heartedly: pushing forward. Despite everything people have been through and will go through, we must push forward and overcome challenges. All throughout our life, we are given issues to take on. Some of those things come to us like a slap in the face, while other issues sneak up on us slowly but surely. What we often find is, the events that sneak up on us slowly, kill us, or at least try too. The past 18 years of my life have been a rollercoaster. I’ve dealt with more things at a young age than most people will ever have to deal with in a lifetime. The point is, we have a choice: we can let our challenges in life defeat us, sit back feeling sorry for ourselves, or we can choose the alternative route and push forward. I choose to believe in pushing forward.

One of the biggest reasons I believe in pushing forward no matter what life throws at me is because of the things I have faced thus far. At the age of three years old, I was diagnosed with a rare form of Leukemia called Hypereosynophilic Syndrome. This disease wasn’t like most diseases. To be more specific, no other person in America that we knew of had it besides me. Hypereosynophilic Syndrome is where ones white blood cell count elevates too high as well as their Eosinophils. A normal Eosinophil count is 0-4%, while mine was as high as 63%. I was constantly poked with needles (let’s keep in mind I was 3), I got pneumonia and was on a ventilator for 45 days which then scarred my vocal cords causing my voice to sound softly strained. I was allergic to wheat, gluten, dairy, corn, and sugar. I had a total of eight surgeries including open heart due to a blood clot. I lost all of my hair from chemo, and slowly lost all of my strength. I was eventually unable to raise my arm off of the hospital bed until I went through intensive physical therapy. It took me a few years to fully recover from my disease, but by the age of ten I was in the clear and 100% healthy. From this point life was starting to look up, until my parents decided to get a divorce, which changed everything yet again.

It was around the age of 12 when I got the news my parents were getting divorced. Many children of divorced parents are too young to remember. Unfortunately for me, I was in the most critical years of development which seemed to make everything ten times worse. I spent the majority of my childhood sick. Therefor my parents homeschooled me until 6th grade. So, as 7th grade was starting my parents were getting divorced. Not having many interpersonal skills, I struggled to connect socially with others. Because of this, trying to make friends at school proved harder than I thought. I was angry with my current situation and took it out on those around me.

After going through cancer, and my parents getting a divorce, I didn’t exactly know what to do with myself. I constantly wondered, “Where do I go now?” and “How do I let go of all the pain?” Other people always thought I had the perfect life because I hid behind the pain, and learned to smile when I was hurting the most.

At this moment in my life not knowing where to go, I went to God. I finally found my happiness and let go of the pain. At first I just went to church and would pray once in awhile. Then I realized I needed more than that. I needed God to actually be in my life and make Himself real to me. I learned that Christianity isn’t about whether or not I go to church. It’s making the effort to read the Bible and trust Him in the good times as well as the bad. God made me realize who I am. I’m not just the girl who was sick and had a horrible life; I’m not just any average girl. He made me realize I had a purpose, and that in those moments when I wanted to end it all, that I shouldn’t. Looking back, I realize that one of my purposes was to witness to those around me. Before any poke or procedure, I would jerk my arm away and ask the nurses to pray with me; being three years old this often brought them to tears seeing how much faith I had. It’s only now that I realize the effect I had on others.

God made me realize I wont gain happiness from how good or how bad my life is. He made me realize that ultimate happiness comes when I share my faith with others. Happiness is when I trust God and realize that with Him, and because of His grace, I can have hope for my life. Without hope we have nothing; without hope life is meaningless. Because I had hope and faith, I am alive today. I am alive with no allergies, no medications, and I am just like any other healthy person.

The doctors told my family and I multiple times that this is it, “She is going to die.” However, my parents would never say goodbye; they always had faith. Eventually, the doctors had nothing else to offer. My parents had perseverance and began trying everything they could such as sneaking things down my feeding tube (natural supplements). I had entire churches praying for me (Pioneer Memorial being one of those), I had support groups and received numerous amounts of cards from people saying that they were praying for me. I would’ve been dead, but because God chose to save me, my whole life I’ve felt like I’ve had a purpose; that’s why I chose to make the best of my life and to keep pushing forward, never giving up.

We all have a purpose in life. The key is to find that purpose and to realize that no matter how bad our life is, no matter what horrible things we’ve done, we still have that purpose. I could have chosen to end my life (suicide). I could’ve chosen to hang on to my anger. I could have chosen to be angry with God for the things I went through. I could’ve chosen to sit back and feel sorry for myself; I’ve had a hard life. I could have chosen anything. However, I chose God, and too have faith in Him remembering that there is always hope.

I’m not saying my life is perfect now because it’s quite the opposite. I still struggle with my relationship with God, and I still make mistakes and sometimes feel like giving up. I sometimes feel that I never measure up to anyone and that I will never be a “normal person.” However, at the end of the day I realize that I don’t want to be anyone except me, and that God created me to be different.

I am a miracle created by God. I realized that I need to keep my head up, be strong, and find the positive in life. Yes, my parents divorced. Yes, I had cancer. Yes, I had all of the other day-to-day stresses. Those experiences made me a stronger person, and because of my disease I know that God loves me and has a purpose for me. I know that because my parents divorced I can learn from their mistakes, and change the patterns; because of my illness, I can have empathy on others.

I may have scars, I may not be the average person, I may have a different voice than others, but I’m me and I chose to push forward through all the challenges that life threw at me. No, it wasn’t easy, it wasn’t fun, I have been made fun of, but I made it. Along the way, I always had one person by my side, God. I may have not felt that He was there the whole time, but that’s the thing about God; He tests our faith.

No matter what we go through in life we have to remember our purpose that we aren’t alone and that no matter what we face we have a choice. Will we choose to sit back and feel sorry for ourselves and do nothing, or will we choose to put our life on the line and push through all of the challenges. I believe in pushing forward. What do you believe in?


12 ways to Heal Your Heart after a Breakup!

  1. Read your Bible-> there are so many verses on how God can give us hope!
  2. Distract yourself-> Find something you love doing and go do it!
  3. Location-> Avoid places you and your old mate have been together!
  4. Eat-> This is always good, just don’t go too crazy!
  5. Stay Busy-> go run, go workout, go tanning, write a new blog!
  6. Vent-> Let it out, don’t pretend your not okay to yourself, your only fooling yourself.
  7. Friends-> Friends are the best! They are such a good distraction and can help cheer you up!
  8. Pray-> God can always give you peace.
  9. Lists-> Make a list of why he/she wasn’t good for you. And make a list of why you don’t need them too be happy.
  10. Positivity-> Make a list of everything your grateful for.
  11. Surroundings-> If none of your friends are available, just keep yourself around others so that your more forced to stay positive.
  12. Talk-> Talk to someone about it, get there advice!
  13. Missing Each Other-> They probably aren’t jumping up and down inside either.
  14. Remember-> If they left you, you don’t need them and God has someone better for you picked out. And just because they left you, doesn’t mean theres something wrong with you. ❤power-trip-couple

What is Your Love Language?

The 5 Love Languages

  1. Quality Time
  2. Words of Affirmation
  3. Acts of Service
  4. Gifts
  5. Physical Touch

Those are the 5 Love Languages, Each person has there own love language or even more than one. Go online and search on google “5 Love Languages Quiz”

The 5 Love languages are extremely important for our love life. Why? Because knowing each others love language can completely change a relationship to the positive.

I once dated a guy and his love language was 80% gifts. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with loving gifts, because trust me, I love gifts too. However it was different for him. He felt loved when people bought him gifts, while I didn’t exactly feel the same way. My love languages are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch. (Yes you can be high in more than one category) So therefore if someone wanted to make me feel loved they would, write me a poem, or tell me something nice to boost me up, they would give me hugs and cuddle with me, and they would try and spend a lot of time with me. But for my ex, it was different, he felt loved with gifts while I felt love when I received any of those things.

It is so important to know your mates love language because the Love Language(s) you like is what you will do for others, and thats only okay if there Love Language(s) are the exact same as yours.

What makes us feel loved, we do for others because we want them to feel loved.

Therefore for my ex, I tried to show him love by doing the things that I liked to receive. And yes, he liked it but it wasn’t the most satisfying. And he would always buy me very expensive gifts and I really appreciated it, but it didn’t show me love like those other things would. But, because he didn’t know my Love Language(s) he failed at making me happy and feeling loved.

If we would have known this in the beginning than a lot of things would have been different in the end.

I hope this was informative! If you have any questions let me know! ❤

15 ways to attract women

Note to MEN:

  1.  DONT  Have to big of an ego.
  2. DONT try and be someone your not for the sake of impressing us.
  3. DONT change who you are just for us.
  4. DONT be to sexual- you will probably get a douche bag label
  5. DONT  be to eager- you may scare us off
  6. DONT put us down (this is not 7th grade, you are nice to the girl you like)
  7. DONT play hard to get (most annoying thing ever)
  8. DO have good hygiene and good breath- we might wanna kiss your face off.
  9. DO compliment us, but don’t go over board and be to mushy at first- every girl wants this
  10. DO be romantic and think of adventurous and unique dates- if your unique, it impresses us
  11. DO try your hardest to make us feel wanted- then we will want you.
  12. DO be spontaneous- don’t be to routined or we will get bored of you
  13. DO be unique – we want someone different
  14. DO try your best to look nice- we want to show off the best of you
  15. DO show us off- it makes us feel specialcute-couple

Finding “The One”

One common thing we imagesare faced with is how to find the perfect mate. Of course this doesn’t mean literally perfect, keeping in mind that no one is perfect. However, what traits do we need to look for? When people think about what they want in a person they commonly say: good looks, tall, athletic, smart, funny, loyal, ect. And yes, all of those things are important, but if we want to find the one for us, we have to dig down a little deeper than that. Heres a few of the things you can look for:

  • Honesty- If a man isn’t honest, he is nothing.
  • hard-worker- Find someone who can support you. A man feels like a man when he supports his family. Starting a marriage of financially struggling will only create problems right off the bat.
  • Family Orientated- Often how a man treats his family is how he will treat you, if not now, than down the road.
  • Has things in common with you- many people believe opposites attract, well that may be true, but not always whats best. There will always be some things you don’t have in common with your mate, even those who have practically everything in common with you. However, finding someone with different things they like may be fun at first, this commonly leads to many fights down the road. My parents as an example were very different people, my dad liked to work hard and my mom didn’t, my dad liked a clean house, while my mom didn’t make it a priority. So many little things here and there that you may not notice can turn into bigger issues down the road. Find someone who is like you!
  • Religious- find someone who has your beliefs or similar beliefs. The reason for this is because down the road when kids could potentially come along, then they will be confused if your two different religions, and this will only create tension within the marriage in so many different ways.
  • Goal Orientated- Find someone with goals in life, someone who will actually make something of there life. Look for having some of the same goals as each other.
  • Personality types- There are many different kinds of personalities which can tell you a lot about someone. Find someone with the same type of personality as you.
  • Past- It is important in relationships to be able to put the past behind you, however a past can tell you a lot about someone. Such as, are they a person to change the patterns and not keep repeating the same mistakes? Or are they just staying in the same pattern and doing the same things over and over again?
  • How someone deals with things- People handle things in different ways depending on who you are, some get physical, some get emotional, some people run from there problems and some people face there problems. Find someone who will handle there issues appropriately, someone who will sit down, and talk things out in a mature way. It’s always okay to vent and to take some time to clear your head and go out for a walk or something, but you have to face your problems. If you don’t learn to face your problems in a relationship or friendship, how will things ever get better just because you put a ring on it? Its just like those people who think he will suddenly be faithful just because he puts a ring on your finger. Therefore find someone who is willing to work the problems out in a mature way.
  • Finances- One of the biggest reasons people divorce now-a-days is because of finances. Talk about finances and how each other handles them. If you don’t agree on handling them the same than find a way to compromise. And if you are in the dating process, watch how they handle there money. If one is a saver and one is a spender this could create big problems later in the relationship or marriage.
  • the 4 C’s – Compatibility, Communication, Compromise, & Compassion. – These are four things are so important! Find someone your compatible with, find someone who will communicate with you appropriately, find someone who is willing to compromise with you when you may not agree on something, and find someone who show you immense compassion.
  • Love Language-  There are five different love languages, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, & Gifts. Saying these, don’t feel like you have to have the same love language as your mate, because frequently they are not the same. If your not sure of what your love language is go to google and type in the five love language quiz. Have you and your mate answer the questions and find out which one they are. There are people who can be one all the way, and there are some who can be a mixture of all. The importance of knowing which love language you are is because the language you are, is what you will often do for your mate. I will expand on this in one of my next blogs. But, the ultimate purpose of the love language quiz is to find out the best ways to show love to your mate.
  • There are many there things you should look for in a mate. but these are the ones that were most important and came to my head first. I hope this blog helped you guys! Talk to you soon in my next blog! ❤ If you have any questions, or requests on topics you want me to hit just let me know!